Home​(​ward) Recordings: Songs from 2007 - 2012

by Matthew Squires

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01:50
2.
01:58
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03:19
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04:31
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03:40
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03:12
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about

This is a compilation of home recordings and other previously unreleased material from 2007 to 2012. Some of it is quite strange, some of it is quite catchy and accessible. Most of it falls somewhere in between those two poles.

credits

released 19 March 2013

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Track Name: Games
Let us breathe what we can't see.
Everything runs so effortlessly.
Track Name: I Can't Feel
I was born so I could die
and die I will.

You are far too old to cry
but cry you still.

And there's a song inside my head
It goes:

I can't feel anything anymore

The world with which your head is in
is in your head.

There ain't no sense in making sense
of the living dead

Some believe the chick to be
within the egg

I, myself, can't speak for them
so I speak instead.

I say:

I can't feel anything anymore.
Track Name: Watching the Waves
I’ll give you everything I’ve got to give
if you tell me what you want it for.
And show me how much you love yourself.
This way I can share your wealth

I’m not the kind of man I thought I was-
The kind of man that runs from itself,
the kind of man that chases itself.

And now I know it’s all a show.
How the hell could I lose you myself?

And now I hope to god we lose ourselves.

Watching you fall asleep, it makes my day.
Watching your chest as it rises and falls like waves

See, it's the beauty of a life I just can’t explain.

And I love watching the waves.
Track Name: Flightless at 90 BPM
If I was a bird, I'd be heading south.
But I am just a man, I got a hungry mouth.

And if I was a bird, I'd be heading south.
Flapping my arms so hard, I'm still on the ground.

I wrote a song with no beginning.
I left it up to you, you wrote the ending.

If I was a priest, I'd worship you.
But I am just a fool who's become unglued.

If I was a priest, I'd worship you.
I'm praying so hard, but my words aren't coming through.

I wrote a song with no beginning.
I left it up to you, you wrote the ending.
Track Name: God Who Believed in Me
Where was your mind
when you studied the time
on your wrist?

Would you say you were afraid
of the dark or afraid of my heart?
I don't know...

Would you say they were the same
in their weight? Maybe their body or shape?
I'm not sure...
Well, I think I'd say the same.

Where was your mind
when you witnessed my spine
straighten up?

Would you say you were ashamed
of your fate? Or you lack of restraint?
You don't know...

I think I'd say you were
self-assured, calm and secure,
like a god.

You were the God who believed in me.
Track Name: What I Believe
Well, I have stood right here before.
I remember my life on the road.

You see, I have lived this life before,
it passes through my eyes like a dream

And you could not believe what you have never seen.

And this reminds me that life is short.
And I guess I could live it like a sport

and Love and Learn and Always Return
to that home where I was born

Stay young.
Stay young and never give up on the game that life commands.

'Cause life can be a drag
if you think that it is simply a test.

And this reminds me that I am real.
And I swear that this heart will heal.

And I will not scream
in the face of a dream
which is slipping right out of my hand.

And I will not fear
a world that will not hear
the sounds of a rock and roll band

as it runs through its songs
like a series of logs
that are never completely hacked away.

And I believe in rock and roll.
Track Name: Nobody
I held your body
like it was a piece of art
on the CTA

You looked so pretty
I looked like I was
running away

I'm only 20
but I won't be for long
I want to stay

Where I am
and where you are:
it is not the same

Where I am
and where you are:
It will always change

'cause where I am
and where you are:
It's like a map I made

Where where I am
and where you are
is on a separate plane.

I held your body
like it was a piece of at
on the CTA

You acted 30,
You never really could
act your age.

Let's throw a party..
Invite all these friends
that we have made

and I'll pretend that I love you
for who are

You are Nobody.
Track Name: A Divorced Mind
Lately I've been
feeling like
I'm in a dream
This is a dream, I'm sure.

And my mind's been
fully reminded
of where I am
and where I am not yet.

Lately I've been
feeling like
I'm in a dream
This is a dream, I swear.

And my mind's been
fully divided
into two halves.
These two halves do not speak.
Track Name: To Misquote Robert Frost
I am my only guardian.
All else will surely pass away
and shift and rearrange. It looks the same
But everything has changed
its form like a thunderstorm
You could hide away or you could simply get
washed out.

I think I’m getting washed out
of that place where my mind would race
Where my head would shake
when asked if I was real
or a lie, it seems that I
was trying to hard to become someone else.

I thought I was myself.
How silly I had felt,
being someone else

And now, if I may misquote Robert Frost:
"If you want to get over something
then you've got to want to go through it."
Track Name: Enforced Endorsement of an Endorsed Enforcement
I was wandering like a refugee.
You were wondering I could be.
We met up somewhere right in between
the past and the future we had never seen.

And the sun?
It rose right over the trees
I dreamed would lean on me and you
and the scene.

And the script is bare
but the action's all right there
to see and believe.

But the two of us,
we know too much
to be fooled by what may seem

to be as cruel
as a rule
no one endorsed.

When you were born your mother wept.
She just wanted to know
what she had done to deserve
such a wonderful gift.

She was being refilled
with the warmth that she poured
from the back of her eyes
into her own mother's heart
when she was born.

So, I strike a pose
and I look at the breeze
and I plead it to make a
scene out of you and me

And the script is bare,
but the action's all right there
to see and believe.

But the two of us, well, we've grown too much
to be fooled by what may seem

to be as cruel as a rule no one enforced.
Track Name: Needless
I have come to assume
there's a ghost inside my room
I do this because it's crazy.

Looked at you and I saw myself
I realized then that have felt
everything and everyone.

Took a fruit, put against my lips
the juices flowed down my chin
I did this because it was easy.

Look at me and find yourself
listen hard, the past might tell you something about the present.

I don't want you to want me.
I don't need you to need me.

I don't need anything, I don't need anyone but me.

The voice on the radio
is telling me I don't know
anything about anything.

I feel like I'm to blame
for the wind and the rain
and the mugginess outside.

A shooting star inside the sky
and I wished so hard that I could fly.
I can now, I just don't want to.

So invite me in or shut me out
and know my mind inside out,
I don't care anymore.

I don't want you to want me.
I don't need you to need me.

I don't need anything, I don't need anyone but me.
Track Name: I'm Not God
I know that I'm not strong
'Cause I could never damage you.

And I know that I am not God
'Cause I could never dream up you.

I know that I'm not God.

Is it you're silent, 'cause you are feeling lost?
Or is it you're silent 'cause the drugs are wearing off?
Now, is it you're silent 'cause everything will change?
Or is it you're silent 'cause nothing stays the same?

I know that I'm alright, 'cause I can see myself in you.
And I know that you're just fine 'cause the voice inside me says it's true.

Let's stay friends even after we've lost out home.
And let's look up at the stars even when we're old.
Let's look at our lives the way we read a book,
And let's give back all those things that we mistook.

Like Mario's ghost, life moves when you close your eyes, my friend.
Keep you composure and do not feel surprised again.
Track Name: Song for the Blind
May I speak with your tongue
if I feel much too young
to be real?

Would you say that I'm
real or a lie? It's so hard to decide
when you're blind.

Would you say you were
blind when you shined like a dime
that was left in the sun.

Don't you stare into the sun.

And I am not sure if I'm dreaming or leaving my home.

You spoke oh so gently
you said that simply
were lost

I hope you found your
way out of here
don't you ever come near
again.

You couldn't understand
what this is
it is not her's it's not his
it is yours.

I pray that you'll hold your tongue.

And I am not sure if I'm dreaming or leaving my home.
Track Name: Free
Though you never ever told me I should
I listened as hard I could
to everything you never said.

And all the people that you wanted to be,
and all the places that you wanted to see,
babe, they're all now just vague memories.

And you never looked up at the clouds
and I would never look down on your doubts.
I just wanted you to know you're free.

And I have watched
you move your mouth.
You tried so hard to just let it out

But don't you know
that you are not
the liar who was never caught.

Just look around,
inspect the air
and see for yourself
what is happening there.

You say that you've forgotten your name.
Darling, I remember doing the same
that time I accidentally hid it away.

And I counseled with the moon for advice
I asked it where it got all its light.
it said from the sun my mind was hiding away.

The sun my mind was hiding away...
Track Name: A Beautiful Man
This pain, well it comes and it goes
but it's better, it's better than nothing.

And these fears, well they come and they go
but I'm always, I'm always still breathing

And these years, well they come as they go
but I am hoping that I'm trying for better.

And my friends, well they've come, one day they'll go
but I love them, and I will love them forever.

Yes, I love them and I will love them forever.

Yes, I will love them forever.

And he was a beautiful man.
Yeah, he was a beautiful man.
But death never follows our plans,
no it just gives them meaning.

When I see you, I will hold out my hand
and I hope that you will grab it gently.

'Cause this life is complicated enough,
I just pray that we can live it simply.

This world is an elegant storm,
Let us be, let us be each other's shelter.

And my friends, well they come and they go
but I love them and I will love them forever.

Yes, I love them and I will love them forever.

Yes, I will love them forever.

And he was a beautiful man.
Yeah, he was a beautiful man.
But death never follows our plans,
no it just gives them meaning.
Track Name: Manger Song (THE FIRST SONG I EVER WROTE)
It seems you've come a long way.
You say you're looking for your mind.

I tell you that I've missed you
you say, "Oh, what a waste of time."

My eyes, they're wet with wonder
My hands, they're bound. They're bound by string.

Those songs you sang so proudly,
you're telling me now were never free.

And from this Christmas turkey,
I will offer you a bite.
Then I'll ask you very plainly
if you're gonna stay the night.

I'll sleep alone tonight,
mix the soda with the rum.

Then I'll dream about my death,
probably be fucking around
with a loaded gun.

Then I'll remember Christmas Eve
of 1999.
When I stayed up past my bedtime
wonderin' which gifts were mine.

And I could hear my grandpa screaming
through the wall from the other room.

His mind was starting to wander,
as my parents would find out soon.

He said:

"I was handsome, now I'm gray. Give me back my glory days.
I have lost all my hunger. Give me back to my manger."

Well the kids, they laugh so hard,
pretending to smoke cigarettes.

Their breath, it hangs in the air.
And then it just trails behind them
step by step.

And I watch them from my window
as they carol from door to door.
And I wonder how many years it'll take
'til sobriety becomes a bore.

And when I hear my doorbell,
I'll just jump up at the sound.
I'll run over towards my doorway,
where the children, they'll sing so loud.

They'll say:

"Our savior was born this day
with his mother he was laid.

This whole world was cold to him,
so from a cross, he sang his hymn.

And it went like:

'Oh, father, hear my tongue.
Help my brothers see what they've done.

They've been blinded, give them sight,
bathe their bodies in the light.' "