Home​(​ward) Recordings: Songs from 2007 - 2012

by Matthew Squires

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1.
Games 01:50
Let us breathe what we can't see. Everything runs so effortlessly.
2.
I Can't Feel 01:58
I was born so I could die and die I will. You are far too old to cry but cry you still. And there's a song inside my head It goes: I can't feel anything anymore The world with which your head is in is in your head. There ain't no sense in making sense of the living dead Some believe the chick to be within the egg I, myself, can't speak for them so I speak instead. I say: I can't feel anything anymore.
3.
I’ll give you everything I’ve got to give if you tell me what you want it for. And show me how much you love yourself. This way I can share your wealth I’m not the kind of man I thought I was- The kind of man that runs from itself, the kind of man that chases itself. And now I know it’s all a show. How the hell could I lose you myself? And now I hope to god we lose ourselves. Watching you fall asleep, it makes my day. Watching your chest as it rises and falls like waves See, it's the beauty of a life I just can’t explain. And I love watching the waves.
4.
If I was a bird, I'd be heading south. But I am just a man, I got a hungry mouth. And if I was a bird, I'd be heading south. Flapping my arms so hard, I'm still on the ground. I wrote a song with no beginning. I left it up to you, you wrote the ending. If I was a priest, I'd worship you. But I am just a fool who's become unglued. If I was a priest, I'd worship you. I'm praying so hard, but my words aren't coming through. I wrote a song with no beginning. I left it up to you, you wrote the ending.
5.
Where was your mind when you studied the time on your wrist? Would you say you were afraid of the dark or afraid of my heart? I don't know... Would you say they were the same in their weight? Maybe their body or shape? I'm not sure... Well, I think I'd say the same. Where was your mind when you witnessed my spine straighten up? Would you say you were ashamed of your fate? Or you lack of restraint? You don't know... I think I'd say you were self-assured, calm and secure, like a god. You were the God who believed in me.
6.
Well, I have stood right here before. I remember my life on the road. You see, I have lived this life before, it passes through my eyes like a dream And you could not believe what you have never seen. And this reminds me that life is short. And I guess I could live it like a sport and Love and Learn and Always Return to that home where I was born Stay young. Stay young and never give up on the game that life commands. 'Cause life can be a drag if you think that it is simply a test. And this reminds me that I am real. And I swear that this heart will heal. And I will not scream in the face of a dream which is slipping right out of my hand. And I will not fear a world that will not hear the sounds of a rock and roll band as it runs through its songs like a series of logs that are never completely hacked away. And I believe in rock and roll.
7.
Nobody 03:19
I held your body like it was a piece of art on the CTA You looked so pretty I looked like I was running away I'm only 20 but I won't be for long I want to stay Where I am and where you are: it is not the same Where I am and where you are: It will always change 'cause where I am and where you are: It's like a map I made Where where I am and where you are is on a separate plane. I held your body like it was a piece of at on the CTA You acted 30, You never really could act your age. Let's throw a party.. Invite all these friends that we have made and I'll pretend that I love you for who are You are Nobody.
8.
Lately I've been feeling like I'm in a dream This is a dream, I'm sure. And my mind's been fully reminded of where I am and where I am not yet. Lately I've been feeling like I'm in a dream This is a dream, I swear. And my mind's been fully divided into two halves. These two halves do not speak.
9.
I am my only guardian. All else will surely pass away and shift and rearrange. It looks the same But everything has changed its form like a thunderstorm You could hide away or you could simply get washed out. I think I’m getting washed out of that place where my mind would race Where my head would shake when asked if I was real or a lie, it seems that I was trying to hard to become someone else. I thought I was myself. How silly I had felt, being someone else And now, if I may misquote Robert Frost: "If you want to get over something then you've got to want to go through it."
10.
I was wandering like a refugee. You were wondering I could be. We met up somewhere right in between the past and the future we had never seen. And the sun? It rose right over the trees I dreamed would lean on me and you and the scene. And the script is bare but the action's all right there to see and believe. But the two of us, we know too much to be fooled by what may seem to be as cruel as a rule no one endorsed. When you were born your mother wept. She just wanted to know what she had done to deserve such a wonderful gift. She was being refilled with the warmth that she poured from the back of her eyes into her own mother's heart when she was born. So, I strike a pose and I look at the breeze and I plead it to make a scene out of you and me And the script is bare, but the action's all right there to see and believe. But the two of us, well, we've grown too much to be fooled by what may seem to be as cruel as a rule no one enforced.
11.
Needless 04:31
I have come to assume there's a ghost inside my room I do this because it's crazy. Looked at you and I saw myself I realized then that have felt everything and everyone. Took a fruit, put against my lips the juices flowed down my chin I did this because it was easy. Look at me and find yourself listen hard, the past might tell you something about the present. I don't want you to want me. I don't need you to need me. I don't need anything, I don't need anyone but me. The voice on the radio is telling me I don't know anything about anything. I feel like I'm to blame for the wind and the rain and the mugginess outside. A shooting star inside the sky and I wished so hard that I could fly. I can now, I just don't want to. So invite me in or shut me out and know my mind inside out, I don't care anymore. I don't want you to want me. I don't need you to need me. I don't need anything, I don't need anyone but me.
12.
I'm Not God 03:40
I know that I'm not strong 'Cause I could never damage you. And I know that I am not God 'Cause I could never dream up you. I know that I'm not God. Is it you're silent, 'cause you are feeling lost? Or is it you're silent 'cause the drugs are wearing off? Now, is it you're silent 'cause everything will change? Or is it you're silent 'cause nothing stays the same? I know that I'm alright, 'cause I can see myself in you. And I know that you're just fine 'cause the voice inside me says it's true. Let's stay friends even after we've lost out home. And let's look up at the stars even when we're old. Let's look at our lives the way we read a book, And let's give back all those things that we mistook. Like Mario's ghost, life moves when you close your eyes, my friend. Keep you composure and do not feel surprised again.
13.
May I speak with your tongue if I feel much too young to be real? Would you say that I'm real or a lie? It's so hard to decide when you're blind. Would you say you were blind when you shined like a dime that was left in the sun. Don't you stare into the sun. And I am not sure if I'm dreaming or leaving my home. You spoke oh so gently you said that simply were lost I hope you found your way out of here don't you ever come near again. You couldn't understand what this is it is not her's it's not his it is yours. I pray that you'll hold your tongue. And I am not sure if I'm dreaming or leaving my home.
14.
Free 03:12
Though you never ever told me I should I listened as hard I could to everything you never said. And all the people that you wanted to be, and all the places that you wanted to see, babe, they're all now just vague memories. And you never looked up at the clouds and I would never look down on your doubts. I just wanted you to know you're free. And I have watched you move your mouth. You tried so hard to just let it out But don't you know that you are not the liar who was never caught. Just look around, inspect the air and see for yourself what is happening there. You say that you've forgotten your name. Darling, I remember doing the same that time I accidentally hid it away. And I counseled with the moon for advice I asked it where it got all its light. it said from the sun my mind was hiding away. The sun my mind was hiding away...
15.
This pain, well it comes and it goes but it's better, it's better than nothing. And these fears, well they come and they go but I'm always, I'm always still breathing And these years, well they come as they go but I am hoping that I'm trying for better. And my friends, well they've come, one day they'll go but I love them, and I will love them forever. Yes, I love them and I will love them forever. Yes, I will love them forever. And he was a beautiful man. Yeah, he was a beautiful man. But death never follows our plans, no it just gives them meaning. When I see you, I will hold out my hand and I hope that you will grab it gently. 'Cause this life is complicated enough, I just pray that we can live it simply. This world is an elegant storm, Let us be, let us be each other's shelter. And my friends, well they come and they go but I love them and I will love them forever. Yes, I love them and I will love them forever. Yes, I will love them forever. And he was a beautiful man. Yeah, he was a beautiful man. But death never follows our plans, no it just gives them meaning.
16.
It seems you've come a long way. You say you're looking for your mind. I tell you that I've missed you you say, "Oh, what a waste of time." My eyes, they're wet with wonder My hands, they're bound. They're bound by string. Those songs you sang so proudly, you're telling me now were never free. And from this Christmas turkey, I will offer you a bite. Then I'll ask you very plainly if you're gonna stay the night. I'll sleep alone tonight, mix the soda with the rum. Then I'll dream about my death, probably be fucking around with a loaded gun. Then I'll remember Christmas Eve of 1999. When I stayed up past my bedtime wonderin' which gifts were mine. And I could hear my grandpa screaming through the wall from the other room. His mind was starting to wander, as my parents would find out soon. He said: "I was handsome, now I'm gray. Give me back my glory days. I have lost all my hunger. Give me back to my manger." Well the kids, they laugh so hard, pretending to smoke cigarettes. Their breath, it hangs in the air. And then it just trails behind them step by step. And I watch them from my window as they carol from door to door. And I wonder how many years it'll take 'til sobriety becomes a bore. And when I hear my doorbell, I'll just jump up at the sound. I'll run over towards my doorway, where the children, they'll sing so loud. They'll say: "Our savior was born this day with his mother he was laid. This whole world was cold to him, so from a cross, he sang his hymn. And it went like: 'Oh, father, hear my tongue. Help my brothers see what they've done. They've been blinded, give them sight, bathe their bodies in the light.' "

about

This is a compilation of home recordings and other previously unreleased material from 2007 to 2012. Some of it is quite strange, some of it is quite catchy and accessible. Most of it falls somewhere in between those two poles.

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released March 19, 2013

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Matthew Squires Austin, Texas

I think, all things considered, the songs I write are much more listenable than the songs I don't write. Like me on Facebook if you like to like artists you like on Facebook. The link is right below these words you're reading right now.

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